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From: John Rose (68.93.65.58)
Subject:         “Excuses, Excuses”
Date: September 5, 2014 at 12:09 pm PST

In Reply to: Re: You cannot take a single word from Klein or Graham posted by Kwan on September 5, 2014 at 11:12 am:

From work Written/Edited by Victoria Bidwell

We humans are, indeed, famous for our ability to rationalize, pretend, cover up, overcompensate, delude, trick, lie, hide, deceive, live in fantasy, and harbor illusions. For too many, these are the motives that drive us; rather than positive, self-nurturing motives. And needless to say these motives are powered by fear.

We do we know from Lesson 10 how ‘‘The Physiology of Fear’’ will chronically activate the fight-or-flight response throughout every cell in our body and that, for some, the compulsive eating response throughout every cell in our brain! It behooves us, therefore, if The Self-Honest Fact is that we want to develop a healthy relationship with food, to stop the self-deception and begin nurturing HONESTY in every area of our lives.

Difficult as it may be to change, a wonderful ‘‘payoff’’ is made when we decide to practice SELF-HONESTY. Slow-but-sure, we are freed from the fantasies and the fears. No longer are we expending tremendous amounts of energy in self-deception. Life—for the first time for many of us becomes real, precious and beautiful. Additionally this newly released energy can now be channeled into productive activity and nurturing relationships. This freedom from fear does not happen overnight. If self-rationalization has been our self-styled life, it will take time to replace it with disciplined SELF-HONESTY. In time, however, we find that our lives take on a quality of “peacefulness” heretofore unknown. By accepting “The Challenge at Becoming SELF-HONEST,” energy once used in binges and food hangovers and carrying around extra pounds of unhealthy fat and being emotionally tortured by our abnormal relationship to food can now be used to pursue meaningful activities which serve to deeply enrich our lives.

“Excuses, Excuses”

POPULARLY HELD SELF-RATIONALIZATIONS THAT JUSTIFY WRONG-EATING AND OVEREATING(EDITORS NOTE: I would like to extend a ‘‘special thanks’’ to Bob Schwartz, who in Diets Don’t Work, provided the idea for making a list of the popularly held self-rationalizations detailed below.)

1. WARM FUZZIES EATING...If you find eating “comforting,” “soothing,” “softening of life’s blows,” if eating seems to provide the “cushion” you need to protect you from the evil forces in your life, if eating seems to give you the “love” and “nurturing” you need after a hard day... then you are self-rationalizations in the name of “WARM FUZZIES.”

2. THE CONNOISSEUR COMPLEX...If you love the taste of the finest of foods, if you just can’t pass up some expensive, gourmet delicacy in the name of snobbishness,” if only you can appreciate the very ‘best’’ when it is presented for the tasting…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of ‘‘THE CONNOISSEUR COMPLEX.”

3. THE REWARD…If you use food as a reward for having made it through some terrible day, ordeal, problem, or episode; if you use toad as a reward for having reached some wonderful goal or project’s end or for having won some glorious prize or trophy.. then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE REWARD.”

4. THE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA…If you eat because you just hate to see all that good food go to waste, if you eat in your favorite eateries because the children in Africa cannot eat at all… then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE STARVING CHILDREN.”

5. THE FREELOADER...If you eat simply because it’s free, if it kills you to just take a little when someone else is paying for it, if you eat because it’s not every day you don’t have to spend your own money, if you eat because it’s an “all-you-can-eat buffet,” then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “FREELOADING.”

6. THE GRAZER…If you find yourself wandering into the kitchen and just start letting your eyes fall on what exciting thing may be in the cupboards, in the refrigerator, on the countertops, and in the pantry—and then if you just start “grazing” aimlessly and thoughtlessly on whatever you happen to find, then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “GRAZING.” (Do note that “grazing” can take place anywhere: grocery stores, restaurants, fruit stands, friend’s homes everywhere and anywhere.)

7. TELEVISION NIBBLING...If you find television boring without something to nibble on at the same time, if food and television just naturally go together, if you can’t get through a television program without getting through a serving of some scrumptious snack, then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “TV NIBBLING.”

8. THE LAST CHANCE...If you are eating with a desperate sense of urgency, if you are eating because you know that tomorrow whatever it is you are eating will be all gone and there will never be another one left in the whole wide world to enjoy again, if you are eating because there will never be another opportunity to have one this good again…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE LAST CHANCE.”

9. FORCED FEEDING...If you are eating because “they made me do it,” if you are eating because you were “set up” by friends or circumstances, if you are eating because you didn’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings, if you are eating because your relatives think you are anorexic and you had to prove that you aren’t…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “FORCED FEEDING.”

10. COLLECTING SOUVENIRS…If you are away from home, on vacation or taking a business trip and run across something so special to eat that you just must have one because you will never pass this way again, if you are out-and-about and simply must have “one of these” to remember this special place by…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of’ “COLLECTING SOUVENIRS.”

11. EATING “FOR YOUR HEALTH”...If you have run across some particularly healthfully prepared food that you know is so good for you in comparison to all the junk out there and so you must eat it whether you are hungry or not, if you just can’t pass something up no matter what because it comes from a vegetarian restaurant or a health food store...then you are self-rationalizing “FOR YOUR HEALTH.”

12. BY-THE-CLOCK EATING...If you are eating NOW— whether you are hungry or not because later you might not get the chance because — your schedule is so overloaded, or because something catastrophic could happen and you may not find anything decent to eat for who knows how long…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE CLOCK.”

13. GETTING FROM-HERE-TO-THERE” EATING...If you use eating to get you from-here-to-there, if you use eating to break up the day from breakfast to brunch to lunch to midday snack to dinner to bedtime snack; if you use eating to make bearable living out your wretched or blissful existence from one moment to the next in order to get “from-here-to-there” in your typical day then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “GETTING FROM-HERE-TO-THERE.”

14. THE LAST SUPPER SYNDROME...If you have decided to have one last, wonderful binge right now because tomorrow you are starting a diet…or tomorrow you are starting a fast, or tomorrow you are going to do juices only...or tomorrow you are cutting out certain favored foods…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE LAST SUPPER.”

15. EXERCISE EATING…If you eating now because later in the day you are going to be exercising, if you are eating now because you have promised yourself that later you will burn off all those calories, if you are eating now because you have to get your strength up now for an exercise session later...you are self-rationalizing in the name of “EXERCISE.”

16. THE MANANA SYNDROME...It you are eating NOW because you have vowed that tomorrow you will get a fresh start, if you are eating NOW because the “now” is so terrible that you just can’t cope and you know that tomorrow things will be different, if you are eating NOW because you can’t think about anything but food right now and you know you can always depend on tomorrow to start over…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “MANANA.”

17. CLOSET EATING...If your eating has become so bizarre that you find yourself sneaking food, hiding food, hoarding food—even stealing food—and then you seek out to some “secret place” to eat it so that no one will see you, if you find yourself crouched over your food like a starving, caged animal and gorging in fear, even though you are all alone and no one can possibly take your food away from you; if you are like the alcoholic who has to sneak his drinks and then cover up that he has had anything...then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “CLOSET EATING.”

18. HOLY GRAIL EATING. ..lf you sense a great emptiness in your life and are filled with a great dissatisfaction and then if you find you are always in search of ‘‘the perfect food perfectly prepared” but you can never quite find it, if you see yourself on a quest for “The Perfect Baked Potato” or “The Ideal Pancake Breakfast,” if you are always on a search but never find the treasured food, or if you do find the “perfect food” but feel vaguely dissatisfied or even cheated after eating it....then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE HOLY GRAIL.”

19. HUNGER PAINS...It you feel rumblings in your stomach and your mouth is watering for food even though you have just finished a big meal and couldn’t possibly he hungry, if you are emotionally tormented by a troubled life and there is always a gnawing in your stomach even though you are obviously well-fed or even overweight, if your mind screams for food no matter how much you have just eaten—and if you continue to eat under these circumstances…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “HUNGER PAINS.”

20. THE REBEL…If you almost always feel angry about your life’s circumstances, if you have so many responsibilities and so little appreciation from others in your life that you are resentful, if you feel so many want to get so much out of you that you have lost control of your own life and are living it simply for others and if, in the face of these circumstances, you find yourself tearing into inordinate amounts of food in anger and frustration and have decided that in your eating, this is one place (By God!) you are going to have some control over your life...then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “REBELLIOUSNESS.”

21. BLACKOUT EATING...If you keep “waking up” as if from a dream or a blackout to find that you have just devoured another serving of food and don’t even remember reaching for it, if you sometimes feel like “automated eating machine” with no memory of having gone for the food you just ate and can hardly remember having eaten it, if it is as if your mind has gone blank and all your senses have gone numb until you “come to” with an empty plate or a floor scattered with food wrappers around you…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of having “BLACKOUTS.”

22. BOREDOM…If you genuinely and truly are bored in your life and feel there is nothing left for you but food and have, therefore, justifiably taken to eating whenever you feel the slightest twinge of ennui (boredom)...then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “BOREDOM.”

23. THE TRANQUILIZER...If you eat whenever you are worried, tense, anxious, nervous, afraid, upset, hysterical, excited, or otherwise unable to cope—-and if eating at these times has a wonderfully tranquilizing effect, even better than va…lium...then you are self-rationalizing in the
name of taking a “TRANQUILIZER.”

24. THE COOK...If you love to cook, if being “creative” in the kitchen is one of your greatest joys, if you find it thoroughly rewarding to prepare marvelous foods for friends and family—and if, at the same time, you find yourself overeating and preparing unhealthful plates that you overeat on...then you are self-rationalizing in the name of being “THE COOK.”

25. HOLIDAY EATING...lf it’s New Year’s or Easter or The Fourth of July or Veteran’s Day or Thanksgiving or Christmas or a birthday or a graduation or Friday or whatever other day you may have deemed as “special,’’ and if you overeat on these days just because they have you been designated by as “special’’... then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “HOLIDAY EATING.”

26. FORTIFICATION EATING...lf you are eating because you—in some way— feel the need to “fortify” yourself in order to get you through some trying circumstances…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “FORTIFICATION.”

27. RITUALISTIC EATING...If you have developed certain rituals in your daily life that revolve around eating certain foods at certain places, before or after certain events, in the presence or absence of certain people, on the occurrence or absence of certain feelings, and if this eating takes place almost ceremoniously and somewhat “trancelike”... then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “RITUALISM.”

28. THE PROCRASTINATOR...If you find yourself eating now because you want to put something off until after you have eaten, if you find yourself not really hungry but are preparing a full meal in order to stave off the inevitability of having to face an unpleasant or exciting task when the food is gone... then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “PROCRASTINATION.”

29. SELF-PUNISHMENT... If you find yourself in the middle of eating without any feelings of hunger and also are vaguely aware of feeling filled with self-disgust and self-loathing and anger and self-pity because you are such a truly horrid and undesirable person…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “SELF-PUNISHMENT.”

30. MASOCHISTIC EATING...If you are vaguely aware that you are gorging on food in order to punish yourself and if you are thoroughly enjoying the thought of how horribly this food will make you swell up the next day and how it will further fatten and cripple you and keep you down where you belong…then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “MASOCHISM.”

31. SWEET REVENGE...If someone who loves you very much and who wants only the best for you and who delights in seeing you healthy and happy has committed the unforgivable by wronging you and if you get yourself good-and-fat in order to “get even,” then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “SWEET REVENGE.”

32. HEDONISM...If the only reason you can possibly think of for being in the middle of overeating right now is that the food tastes “so damned good” and you are just plain thoroughly enjoying beyond description—the act of tasting, chewing, and swallowing...then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “HEDONISM.”

33. THE FAT CHILD SYNDROME...If you want to keep yourself so fat that you appear more like a fat child than a sexually attractive and mature man or woman, if you want to so disfigure your body with fat that people relate to you as a nonsexual being rather than a sexually attractive person, if you have been so badly hurt by a lover that you have become afraid of the power of sex and of and of your own sexuality that you have made yourself fat and amorphous (indistinct), if you are afraid you will go back to a sexually sick lover or start up with another sick relationship if you allow yourself to be the attractive person you were meant to be... then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE FAT CHILD SYNDROME.”

34. FEAR OF FAILURE—FEAR OF SUCCESS…If you are keeping yourself fat so that you can use the fat as the reason for having failed instead of the real reasons, if you are keeping yourself fat so that you do not have to deal with the potentially fabulous success you would meet in your career if your physical appearance were even half as spectacular as your work, if you are afraid of failing and of being even more unhappy as a failure than you are foebeing fat, or if you are afraid of succeeding and being both successful and slim then you are self-rationalizing in the name of “THE FAILURE-SUCCESS SYNDROME.”

35. ANY MORE EXCUSES?

Careful consideration of these popularly held self-rationalizations to justify binge eating and eating junky foods reveals the tremendous creativity of the human mind in its ability to deceive itself! Admittedly, the self-rationalizations vary widely; some are serious, some are quite humorous, some are very sick - even depraved. Some require little but good intentions and a small amount of conscious attention to overcome, and some would require long periods of treatment with a trained therapist to be removed from one’s thought habits.

Yet, in spite of their extreme variability, there is, nevertheless one thing which all these popularly held self-rationalizations have in common: THEY ARE ALL LIES! And the people who are living on the basis of these self-rationalizations are living their lives for the sole purpose of acting out their lies!

This is why it was stated earlier that as we become more SELF-HONEST, our lives—and our very bodies themselves!—become more real. When we give up fantasies, illusions, self-deceptions, and lies—all reflected in the self-rationalizations we use to justify a lifestyle of food abuse and food addiction—then we step into the glorious light of reality…freedom to find out who we really are and freedom to make choices in the name of “LOVE” and “HEALTHFUL LIVING.”

PS Once again, this website sucks in the way it will not allow certain words, so I had to add (...) to the word va…lium. Please tell me what is wrong with this word!

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