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From: Lennie M (
Subject:         Oh, Harley… I wasn't late at all
Date: August 22, 2014 at 11:16 am PST

In Reply to: Bit late Lennie. posted by Durianrider on August 22, 2014 at 2:06 am:

If I had any respect for you left I might actually care what you said
or thought about me, but you've proven yourself repeatedly to have
no integrity, humility or compassion. Say what you want about me,
you are weak and powerless in my world.

For everyone seeking a reply to Harley's probing, I concede. I'm
asking for conversation and transparency so here is mine.

1. Where would I have gone to express my point of view? If I came
here Doug would delete me. If I came to you Harley, you would
have banned me but not after ripping me apart publicly for heresy. I
did come to Vegsource months ago to say something, I was deleted
by Doug and attacked by you, Harley, on your own forum, no
amount of time would have changed that outcome. I finally went to
30bananasadaysucks because I knew I wouldn't be censored or
harassed, but heard.

2. I knew the outcome of #1 before I ever left. I planned for this,
you just don't see it. My absolute disappearance was intentional. I
knew that someone would notice that his right hand and strongest
supporter left with no trace. No goodbyes, just gone. Sometimes
saying nothing is the most powerful move you can make. The
intelligent ones, the ones that were really looking would find me
and they would ask, and they did. I had one policy and only one
regarding this topic, I replied honestly to everyone who asked me
direct questions. If you wanted to know what I had to say, all you
had to do was find me and ask me what you wanted to know, it
wasn't that hard. I can't tell you how many people did, I lost count.
This community has always attracted bright people and I left a trail
of seeds to follow. I told my story so many times I wrote it up and
kept the email to copy every time someone new asked. I was never
silent, I was subversive. I requested that they use my account for
their own knowledge and not to post it publicly. These people all
ended up using what I shared to fight for this moment right here,
where all of the forums came together to discuss the real issues.
When I did come public I only ever expressed my deepest desire for
all of the ego to die, and for the community to come together. We
should not be arguing over whether to steam veggies, or include
some grains, the world has bigger problems for humanity to solve
than all raw or mostly raw.

3. I didn't want to be public at the time I left for a few reasons, I
was heartbroken, and focusing on rebuilding my own life;
something no one in the community could do for me. When I lost
my health and the pregnancy I felt as if a part of my soul had been
ripped out of me. The last thing I wanted or needed was you,
Harley, and everyone else who lived in Doug's pocket attacking me
for stories that weren't even mine. I didn't want to tell my story it
was too fresh, and the wound too exposed. This decision is my
right as a person, and all the other stories I had to say were
someone else's. Each of those "someone else's" still believed in
Doug, in spite of their psychotic breaks and hospitalization at
fasting events or disenchantment with the program. They were like
all of us, who believed and hoped, and tried, and paid money and
just couldn't face that everything they'd invested in might be
wrong, or at least different than what they'd been believing. If those
people with those stories wanted to come forward and say
something that is their right, not mine. I had my story and my
subjective observations and I willingly spoke of both to those who
inquired directly. None of you know me, and having you reinterpret
and gossip about me wasn't high on my list of life achievements. I
went public when someone who heard my story secondhand from a
friend of mine decided to take it to the internet without my
consent, I came out in part because they didn't get it entirely right.

4. For the record once again, I was never there for any deaths. I
didn't even know about them until much later when someone asked
me about it. I have nothing to say on that topic, except it's
COMPLETELY ILLOGICAL to me that anyone would go through an
event like fasting as a reasonably healthy person, dies shortly after
and the fast wasn't in ANY WAY involved.

5. For the record, I saw 3 psychotic breaks, only one of whom
regrets their involvement with Doug. I saw countless unhappy
interns. I saw a woman given a turkey baster to use for an enema,
and I expect she'll be coming here soon to share her own story with
you. I saw people pay their life savings to come to the fasting event
only to leave feeling uncared for. I knew of many failing on the diet,
but no one under Doug's spell ever believed them or gave them any
credit, they were always deleted and banned. They were demonized
for finding their own way while still trying to be low-fat, high-raw
vegan. I consulted each of those who sought me out in private on
other options and I still do, for free.

6. For the record, I saw people thrive on the program in a way you
couldn't imagine. I saw people recover illnesses modern medicine
fumbles with. I saw countless people believe they'd finally found
the friends and family they'd always sought. I saw "miracles"
happen regularly. I attribute this to healthy living, not Doug. I also
experienced a side of Doug that was completely kind and
supportive. As any human he's not all bad, he's just human.
Believing him to be anything other than fallible is the real issue
here. He's nothing special, he's just a guy trying to make a living
doing what he believes in. He's no leader or keeper of absolute
truth, he just pretends to be. He makes mistakes, as we all would
and do in life. The issue here is he lacks the integrity to apologize
for his shortcomings and they've caught up to him in this time of

7A. For the record, I left because I saw this moment coming. The
moment when all the people who had ever failed and been silenced
were given a voice and no one could tear them down. I knew that
voice would come from tragedy, and I refused to stand by Doug's
side when that happened. I tried to warn him this was coming, he
refused to hear me. But Ceasar gets stabbed in the end. You can't
be a dictator and not expect to be overthrown, history 101.

I will say now and in public, Leah, I am so sorry for what happened
to you. I knew a story like yours would come one day, even when it
hadn't come in my day. You deserved better. But it took this shock
to the community for anything to change. In that way you are a
hero because there might actually be hope for the community
moving forward. Your bravery speaks volumes and shines a light. It
shouldn't have taken your story for the walls to come down. People
who profess a life of compassionate living should know better than
to have put the walls up in the first place, but we are human and we
fail our highest intentions regularly. My hope for you is the apology
you deserve, the refund you are owed, and an abundant life moving

7B. I left because all of this was so stressful to deal with daily, Doug
was known as "the chaos machine," because everything he did left a
mess. This behavior and the petty quibbling of this community
exacerbated my preexisting stress-related illness and it wasn't
worth it. My new doctor told me to eradicate stress, to be ruthless
with it, and it started by leaving all of this behind. I wanted a life
where I was surrounded by people who loved me for who I was and
how I thought, not for what I ate. I left because my husband of 16
years now asked me to stop traveling and start over. You've never
seen my loyalty until you've seen my marriage.

This is my transparency. Everything I've said here is what I've been
saying all along to anyone who asked me. Those who asked and are
here can vouch for me. I didn't say it publicly sooner because as I
stated, I would have been deleted, attacked, or both, and I have
better things to do with my breath than to suffer the ego's of little
boys. I would venture to say that all of you do too. But no one will
delete this, and Harley, even if you try to attack my sentiments,
you've already lost the credibility you need to be heard.

All I've wanted since I quit was freedom. Jeff, thank you for opening
the door.

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