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From: Leslie (
Subject: Re: relationship w/ non-veg
Date: July 1, 2004 at 5:05 pm PST

In Reply to: relationship w/ non-veg posted by LILY on June 21, 2004 at 2:11 am:

Like everything else, you have to weigh what he gives you, what he means to you, and your ability to compartmentalize. I was 39 when I married for the second time, was single for twelve years. I'm not a very easy person, so I feel I was very lucky to find someone who loves me, apprciates me, puts up with me (LOL!), doesn't intrude on my independence that I am so used to and insist on, and that adds to my life. But he eats - quite literally -- ten or dozen things, and they're all meat except potatoes, corn, and lettuce, I don't think he's eaten any other vegetable in his entire life, he just doesn't like most foods and has a very narrow food-focus. I'm just the opposite -- not only am I vegan, but I enjoy everything that is edible -- when I ate meat, I would eat anything, there was literally nothing I didn't liek the taste of. So we're complete opposites in that regard. And I know lots about nutrition also and while I'm eating this vegan diet that gives me an ideal cholesterol level and blood pressure, lots of energy and good health, I watch him struggle with four or so health issues, some of them precursors to serious illness.

But I can't do anything about it. And I think the hardest thing is that I have so much empathy for animals and am so disturbed by the food industry -- factory farming -- that it is hard to love someone and remember that they see things differently from you and they really can't help that -- but you wish so much they saw things the same way too because it's hard to love someone who ignores the suffering, it's kind of a complex thing. In a way I resent that he can know what he knows because I have told him, and he still finds it possible to use products like leather and to eat meat and milk. That's hard, let me tell you.

But it's so hard to find someone in this world to love and who loves you, it's such a valuable commodity, only you can balance the two things and make that decision. There is always a big issue with just about anybody you end up with, you can bet on it, if you change partners you just trade one thing for another, I know because I was married once and had two major relationships in between -- and the chances of finding someone who shares your perspectives on things are pretty slim. As long as you have most of it, and you have real love, I think you can find a way to overlook it.

It's just hard to balance, but you are the final decision maker on that one! Good luck . . . hope it all works out for you.

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