Jess Parsons

Jess Parsons

Posted August 24, 2012

Published in Food

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Vegan Astronaut Food, or Why Braces are Cool When You're Old

Read More: astronauts, beans, potato, smoothies, teenagers, teeth, vegan recipes

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It's cool to get braces when you're old, because:

  • Your peers congratulate you or sympathise - instead of calling you names and avoiding you
  • Your kids think your new hardware is interesting, or even sparkly (my 4 year-old girl)
  • You get to hear a thousand stories from people who've done it already.

I expected teeth too sore to chew hard or sticky foods, and to look strange.

I didn't expect cheeks so scraped by the braces that it hurts to suck down soft food. Or smile. Or talk. Apparently, it should get better...any day now.

Anyway, I can't chew.  So I here's my chance to experiment with vegan astronaut food! The old-fashioned kind sucked out of a foil baggie, not the new gourmet style going to Mars

So What Can I Eat?

Here's what braces-wearers can't eat.  As a vegan, I won't be chewing meat off the bone any time soon. And while I enjoy chewy candies, it doesn't cramp my style much to avoid them.

But I can't eat a crunchy juicy apple or carrot! Right now I can't even bite a soft banana, because that knocks off the wax that stops the braces from shredding my cheeks into streaming ulcers.

My vegan astronaut diet so far astronaut_porridge.jpg

  • Porridge - I processed my whole-grain oats into fine oatmeal because I can't chew.
  • Apple/berry puree - another lucky bulk purchase because my subconscious was planning better than I was.
  • Soy yoghurt
  • Banana++ smoothies
  • Refried beans and mashed potatoes - lucky I made those potatoes!

So far, pretty OK?

Well, last night we had Chinese food to celebrate my son's cross-country run. Rather, they had Chinese food. I had pumpkin and potato soup (thanks Mom!), kumara, and mashed potatoes blended with cooked broccoli, cauliflower, carrot, and cabbage.

astronaut_blended.jpg(The olive is food styling - but I did manage to gum it down)

I have a whole lot of this. I think I'll thin it as soup next time, for an exciting taste sensation.

And one night I blended tomato, lettuce, and carrot into mashed potatoes and refried beans for a complete nutritious astronaut meal.




The top reason braces are cool when you're old

Alcohol is liquid - and legal!

Presenting... the braces!


I can't even bite my back teeth together yet, so I'm in this for the long haul.

I wonder what blended Chinese food tastes like?

Please post your favourite vegan astronaut recipes.